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30-Nov-2017 08:37

"That is incredibly emasculating, so when the man responded by being detached, my emotional side kicked in and I thought, "why isn't he falling in love with me?

" "I got very confused when my emotional side came to the fore and I started getting attached.' Another emotional disability that bright girls, myself included, suffer from is low self-esteem.

"What we know is that there is no correlation between a high IQ and happiness,' he continues.

'If anything, your IQ might mean you are prone to being more judgmental than normal, and, therefore, you have more fear and anxiety in relationships than the average person.

However, recently it has struck me that I am not alone in my ability to have made the right career choices - but hopelessly wrong choices in love.

I know of at least seven girls in my year at school - I went to St Paul's Girls' School in London, one of the most academic schools in the country - who are single mothers, while my female friends from Oxford, who are also divorced or single mothers, runs into double figures. Well, I believe that at the root of all this is the fact that many women with a high IQ have a perilously low EQ (that's their emotional intelligence quotient).

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Intimacy means a higher potential for rejection and the risk of being hurt.

"And being hurt means our feelings are forced to the surface and we have to deal with them, which is painful and scary.

"Often, people with a high IQ lack a genuine sense of self-acceptance which leads to a very tortured mental existence and constant mental self-flagellation,' explains Dr Holden (I certainly relate to all counts).

"With a high IQ, we are often so headstrong that we over-ride what our heart is feeling. "Without the engagement of the head and the heart, relationships are not a safe place to be, but the bright woman is headstrong enough to tell herself that she will be able to make this work." In other words, we fall at the first hurdle because we override our gut instinct.

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I ignored to my cost the warning bells pealing daily the week before my wedding eight years ago, only to realise finally on my honeymoon with pulverising clarity that I had married the wrong man.Equally, I initially resisted a relationship with my daughter's father because he was seven years younger than me, but then allowed myself, again against my better judgment, to acquiesce.